Identity Crisis

Two men were discussing what an individual's psychological identity is, and its relationship and significance in one's life. They talked about the make-up of an identity and how it was formed. They went back and forth, listing things it could be: your memory, cumulative lifetime experience, your relationships with family and friends, your work, your hobbies, your beliefs and philosophies, your ethics and values, and so on and so on.

They then began to discuss the meaning of it all, and the role of identity in relationships. Identity, they argued, is important because it tells the world who I am and also what and who I am not. (I'm honest, and I'm not a thief.) It's about me and mine, me and my family, me and my friends, me and my stuff, and so on. Then there is the other person who you are relating with who also has their own me and mine. Two people with two different identities, and these identities are trying to relate with one another about their differentness from each other and the rest of the world.

The two men were so involved in their discussion, exploring and sharing, that they had been unaware of the old man sitting on a bench nearby who'd been listening to their interchange. He caught the attention of one of the men, who knew that this old man happened to be very wise. So, he asked the old man what he made of their discussion.

The old man responded, "You both seem to have a passionate interest in the subject." They agreed and asked him to join them.

The old man agreed and put a question to the two fellows. "If there are no boundaries, where is the center?" Both men shook their heads in bewilderment and looked at one another as if to say, "Say what?" They turned to the old man and asked, "Whatever do you mean by that?"

The old man chuckled and went on to say, "Suppose you were asked to find the center of a square that had no lines, no boundaries. Or what if you were asked, for instance, to find the center of an ever-expanding universe. You see gentlemen, if there is no boundary, there can be no center."

"Okay," said one of the men, "but what does that have to do with identities?"

The old man began to explain, "With each person's me and mine, there is an image of themselves, of who they are. They are identifiers, if you will. These are the boundaries of myself. Now, what happens if you don't identify myself (the Self, the Ego) with an image? If there is no image, no boundaries, then there will be no 'me', no identity."

The men asked again, "And the relevance of that is what?"

The old man continued, "When people are in a relationship or conversation, what most often actually takes place is that their identities, their images are what interact, not the persons. The problem is that these identities prevent a clear, pure connection between the people involved. The identities and images are like static in a connection, which is so overpowering they can't clearly understand the conversation. They become impediments to understanding the subject matter and the discussion often becomes a battle between the identities/images. These images prevent or interfere with our objectivity regarding the subject being discussed. Do you understand?"

"I think so," they each replied. "It's like people who bring their baggage from past relationships or past interactions into the present, new settings, new relationships and interactions. It acts also as a glass ceiling to one's potential and perception. So, image or identity interferes with meeting the present moment anew. It's like trying to have a conversation with each person in a different room, boxed off from one another. Does this accurately represent your position?"

"Yes, you've got it," he said.

V.P. Mosser

©2001-2005 V.P. Mosser
You're welcome to use this article in your Ezine or website as long as you include this blurb.
Successful entrepreneur, V.P. Mosser is the creator of the Learn the Lessons Series, the Life's Journey publication and numerous thought-provoking articles. To learn more and receive free chapters or issues, visit http://www.learnthelessons.com  

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